I’ve gradually learned that God tends to answer prayers very differently than I expect Him to. This past week we went over some characteristics of healthy leaders and as I looked at the list of important character traits I felt really down in the dumps. I realized I had so much growth to do and for a split second I got really dramatic and thought to myself that I should probably stop thinking about being in missions and doing any great things for the kingdom of God, because I’m really far from reflecting all that!
Shortly after I got even more upset because I had those thoughts – they were super immature and I feel like I should know that God can use everyone and anything for good.
I saw myself getting caught in this cycle of thoughts and the discouragement was real, especially since I’ve been praying for more stability lately. There I was, exaggerating because of a short moment of insecurity, where I put my faith more in myself than God. In the midst of all that I was confused because I felt like God hadn’t been speaking to me, so when Taylor sat me down and made me talk I just started crying – but I’m very grateful for that conversation. I understood that God allowed me to go through these feelings of silence and discouragement to answer my prayer for stability. I think that instead of just making my path straight, He stirred up the waters and let me feel the turbulence so I could train my spiritual balance. Why is this? Because God cares about roots, and if he would just quick fix it, my roots would never grow deeper. That wouldn’t help me in the long run – I need deep roots to sustain dry, rough seasons to come. The Water my roots are searching for comes with a promise in Jeremiah 17
But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.
THIS is the real deal, and I will go through anything to get that confidence from that stream, which is my man Jesus… because in the end it’s not about me but about Him.